


Six Impossible Things

by Starfyr



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alice in Wonderland References, Canon Compliant, F/M, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starfyr/pseuds/Starfyr
Summary: Who am I after Death? Harry didn't know and neither did anyone else though they all seemed to think they had the answer. So he looked for it by trying to live life but is the answer hard to find or is it just hard to admit who has it.Because the question was never are you dark or light but always what or who are you fighting for.Draco may have the answer to Harry's question but can he stop long enough to give it to him or is he to cut up in searching for the man that let him live through the war. Everyone may think Draco Malfoy is as crazy as his father in Azkaban but Draco knows the man better then most and there is no way Severus Snape gets to die without his permission.  And he's going to need a little more then just a body as proof.School may be out but rebuilding won't take much longer then all bets are off.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Kudos: 5





	1. I believe I'm not a Murderer

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post so there will probably be changes in the title, rating, storyline, etc.

He was alone he really didn't know when the last time he had been alone was.  
A strange feeling really after so much death and destruction to just exist and not be poked prodded or other wise questioned on one's metal state. Clearly it was not good, actually it was in bloody ruins but none of it felt real not really real. People where dead Hogwarts was in ruins but death wasn't really knew to Harry.  
Sometimes he thought that death was much more constant than life. He had a mental picture of the scarier then though being that he had been constant companion to since his mother's scream had first pierced his ears. More constant than any other but no one wanted to hear that instead of being disconcerting this mass destruction was oddly horribly familiar and comforting in its constancy.  
Ron and Hermione where the best of friends but they never seemed to want to know his darker thoughts. Not that he blamed them he didn't want to think half his own thoughts.  
So when Harry realized he was no longer alone he didn't get angry like he thought he would he didn't say anything to the lost blonde boy. Sometimes solitude was more easily accomplished in solum silence between two lost boys who didn't know where home was or where morality got a say.  
Because death was not alone today he held in his hand a familiar tool, murder, both light and dark had performed that same gruesome act today though they seemed to think their acts washed away by victory.  
Those two young boys where alone among a sea of people. They thought about what they had done in whatever name they had done it. And they hated themselves for it.  
When the tears first glossed the pale grey eyes the slytherin boy almost got up in time to hide his emotional upheaval. Tears weren't silent not for him. He had never developed the habit, screams he could hold in, but tears the kind his mother held him through he never learned to be sad or frustrated in silence.  
He never made it to his feet as as suddenly as he had known his emotions to spill out so had the boy who knew him better than anyone else in the world. Even his godfather Draco dared think didn't see him like Harry always had. He never liked the things he saw reflected in those eyes.  
Pure green mirrors he had never had the courage to face but those eyes didn't look into his today those eyes didn't look at him at all as the boy took his shoulder and hugged him almost without thought the hand rising to his hair not to mess it up or mock him but to gently push the dirty strand back over and over soothing him.  
"Sometimes." Harry's voice whispered on the wind almost to faint to catch. "Sometimes when I'm alone I like to believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast."  
"What?" Draco almost laughed at the ridiculous stamens but held it in though Harry felt the boy shake. "Potter it's been at least two meals since breakfast."  
Harry looked to see the sun depending across the sky.  
When had that happened.  
"It's from a book, a muggle children's book. I never got to read it until recently but Hermione had it among her stacks upon stacks of texts and um well I read it cause I never could and sometimes I think about it now cause I wish it was more insane then my life because that's what its supposed to be completely bonkers but still make some weird sense but its not you know bonkers."  
"What in the world are you talking about Potter." Draco finally separated them so he could look strait in his face but the boy wouldn't look at him.  
"Will you think of them with me six, always six not more not less?" he stated firmly but still not looking at Draco.  
"Why not seven?"  
"Seven is the number of intension, eight of accident and six is bonkers which is where I would prefer to be at the moment just a little bonkers." Draco didn't think he needed any help with that he seemed bloody mad but did he blame him. Right then and there he couldn't find it in himself to do that.  
"I believe that Dombledore didn't know Voldemort needed to kill me." Draco almost choked but understood the game they where playing now.  
"I believe Snape is alive." He didn't know then how good Harry was at crying in silence, ignoring pain.  
"I believe no one needed to die today they just went on vacation to come back another time." So Draco couldn't hear the tightness in Harry's voice and though no one knew Draco better it could be said no one knew Harry at all, no one saw all of him, he had always been very sure of that. Who could see him and still find him bearable in anyway, no one likes grey. They only want the simple answer white or black, dark or light, good or bad. So the game continued.  
"I believe I tried my best even when I was scared." Harry reached for him again, Draco didn't know why he allowed it. Something in him though kept him from pulling back. He knew with all the destruction today if he pulled back now he would break something else. Something new that would never be seen again if he did what he always did. It reminded him of that day. When he had similarly reached out a hand to a boy with big glasses and messy hair.  
They had been young and a little stupid he could admit that now but he knew the feeling of having that boy step on something fragile and even sweet revenge didn't seem worth it for once so their hands touched both hesitated but then tanned calloused fingers moved between his and held.  
"I believe I'm not a murderer."  
"I believe I'm not a murderer."  
The distant call for "Harry" made both boys grimace but not pull away. Neither wanted to leave, neither wanted to forget their six impossible things. Neither wanted to feel alone.


	2. I believe in true love.

Time doesn't move. Not really, he felt sometimes like he moved through it more slowly than those around him. He felt it then as Draco bustled around his kitchen fretting about their old potions master.  
"He's alive." He didn't know if he was asking or stating, it seemed both completely like the man and so oddly out of character. Of course something as simple as death wasn't going to stop The Severus Snape. He could almost hear the man's sneer at such an imbecilic question Harry's lips quirked up but why would he be happy. The man was a tormentor one simple memory or two in a pensive had not changed that. So unlike the Professor though, to realize Harry of his crushing guilt, the feeling of failing had lifted for a moment.  
None the less, all his actions scarred by childhood or not didn't excuse the hate and resentment. But death had cured a couple of Harry's lingering feelings if not a good majority. He couldn't seem to stay mad at anyone, couldn't seem to manage much joy either but that was beside the point it was easy enough to smile in the face of the happiness of those he loved.   
So he didn't think about that feeling of being empty and just let Malfoy babble on. He was almost always at Grimmuald and Harry didn't mind the company.  
It was almost a relief after Ron and Hermione, they are so much in love. Not puppy love or newlywed love but the real kind. The kind he had seen between the senior Weasleys. The kind he saw in the spinning picture of his parents to happy to imagine. The kind that was forged from knowing something the rest of the world just didn't. Something he didn't  
It was the way Ron's eyes followed her even when he wasn't looking he always knew where she was and if she needed something often randomly bowing out of conversations. To call to her when she was making tea.  
"Honey you put the sugar behind the flour yesterday." a small huff of victory could be heard from the kitchen before she emerged proudly with her tea in hand and Ron would shift pillows around on the couch before she flung herself down to stair intently at Harry ready to ask him all the hard questions.   
Ron would get up to fetch the tea she had forgotten staying a little longer than necessary in the kitchen so they could talk.  
It wasn't even an awareness of their other half that had shown Harry what love looked like, it was how his friends had changed. Ron was calmer, not more laid back but more easy, content, emotionally aware while Hermione had loosened.   
When she turned to look at people it no longer held the edge of needing imitate answers. She wanted people to be intelligent and logical but now she empathized more, she is more willing to ask about what they wanted. Not that she had listening when Harry told her Kreature wasn't leaving Grimmuald. That had been a fight for certain. But she hadn't pushed her ideas anymore on Creature for which the lot of them where grateful. Harry didn't want to be stuck in the house with the elf going batty.  
Draco didn't even realize Harry's thoughts had drifted away as he continued on with his story and commenting on the dreadful state of Harry's home.  
"- and then he had the gall to tell me I was hovering can you believe that." he looked at Harry but didn't wait for his response before continuing on. "That man really needs some manners instilled into him. I mean really how can a sick man be so so...ahh."  
"So infuriating." Harry supplied for the Slitheryn.   
"No no there's another word."  
"Condescending." Harry tried again.  
"Yes exactly, how did he ever become a teacher when his default to any conversation or prickle to his pride ends with him insulting my intelligence and I'm bloody intelligent Potter more so then any of his students so it must be a problem with him." Draco seemed proud at his conclusion having discovered the problem and assigned the proper blame. Harry had his smile behind the mug he had been nursing since Malfoy's abrupt entrance into his kitchen earlier that morning.   
"Then he's going to be ok?"  
"Absolutely brilliant. Almost back to his old self in fact." Malfoy turned before his own smile finished turned his lips up. He always did that never smiling but always smirking like a real show of joy was to unsophisticated to fit his lofty reputation. Harry was sure he could one day convince his classmate his Slytherin reputation wouldn't suffer from a little giggling but it was a work in progress so far.  
"Will you play a game with me?" Harry inquired afraid one day Draco would say no he never looked at him when he posed the question.  
The Blonde sighed, Draco didn't know why Potter always seemed to need this silly game but he knew if he said no something would change. Maybe something he didn't want to change. He hadn't told Harry that everything had changed after the war. The boy who lived didn't need his problems. He hardly left Grimy Number 12 anymore. No need to tell him the world was a horrid piece of shite most the time. So he did the same thing he had now done countless times since he met the boy after the war he played his stupid little game. He had read the book but it had seemed horribly silly to him, the magic was all wrong in it and every one was absolutely bonkers. He didn't understand the brunettes fascination with the children's book. But heals never said no.  
"I believe the wounds from the war will one day be gone." Malfoy began, Harry smiled at him and continued.  
"I believe Hermione will not be horrible through her entire pregnancy."   
"Don't we all." Draco muttered under his bread before taking a sip of his own tea and sighing as he sat across from Harry. "I believe Snape will make a full recovery and be rewarded for his service in the war." Harry took Draco's hand they always seemed to get to this point where something they didn't want to say came out anyway. Malfoy had never been soo easily divested of his secrets.  
"I believe he'll forgive me." Draco almost ground his teeth together they never commented on the silly beliefs they came up with but sometimes he wished he could. Why did Harry need forgiveness it was absolutely bloody infuriating. The-Boy-Who-Lived was a complete martyr and no matter what Draco tried to convince him other wise be believed his pain bettered others. The idiot couldn't be fixed so instead Malfoy was stuck taking care of the despot formerly named Potter.  
"I believe the flowers in my garden will bloom for that potion I've been working on." that Potter will one day get over is bloody self more like it.  
"I believe in true love." Malfoy sipped his tea. "Do you?" Harry asked.  
"No Potter, no I don't. No one loves anyone more than they love themselves." Malfoy answered.  
"Narcissa loves you more than anything." Harry's eyes wondered to the direction of his room where the photo of a couple spinning on a cold fall day sat peacefully next to his bed.  
"That's her mistake, one she payed for." Malfoy steady gazed into the bottom of his tea cup as if listening to Trelawney tell him how to read what sat there.  
"Her mistake saved my life." Harry continued gently.  
"And cost hers now she doesn't love anything or anyone." Malfoy was almost proud of the control in his voice the lack of breaks or sadness. But such control was not something he desired really he desired the need of it to be absent. He desired his mother to be sane. He desired his father to protect him from the world. For all he was an adult but he felt so so alone and it seemed only Potter could really understand as buggered as that was and annoying.  
"She's not gone Draco. Just different" He didn't want to scream at Potter so he set his mug down and brushed off his robes.  
"Why are we talking about this. I think I better go check my potions I'm sure a couple are done by now. Have a good day Potter." His stride was long but not hurried so he presumed he didn't look like he was fleeing even if they both knew he was. It was better then snapping at Potter as he had done in the past when he bought up painful subjects.  
"And you Malfoy." he disappeared before Harry's last words could reach him. "See you tomorrow."


	3. I believe I'm Ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is really short but we'll see how it goes. Hope you enjoy. Mild warning in this chapter for child abuse and PTSD. This chapter has been edited since posting.

The banging on the door wasn't knew it almost released Harry when he glanced at the top of the dusty cupboard he knew even if he was here it was better then out there. Aunt Petunia said monsters where in the world and if he ever left home they would get him. He wasn't quite sure he believed her but if they where worse then Dudley and Vernon he didn't want to meet them.  
His own thoughts drowned out Aunt Petunia's yelling but he knew it wouldn't last long if he moved it would e his own body yelling at him. The moment he did he knew it would hurt but if he didn't move Vernon would give him more bruises so he did.  
"So slow today." Aunt Petunia screeched as she pushed him into the kitchen when he flinched from hitting a bruise she did too. Petunia didn't like Harry's bruises she would go quiet when she saw them then ask him to cover them better. Sometimes he wondered if she had them with the way she always sat so rigid but he thought it was unlikely. She was just always scared, scared of how people saw her what they might be thinking. Even her husband scared her.  
But Harry know his job his job was to cook, clean, and be quiet so he went to the stove and tried not to wince when he burned his small hands with popping oil or cut his finger on knives he couldn't hold right. His job was to not make a sound unless spoken to. His job was to take up as little room as little air as possible. His job was to run away from Dudley and to be available when called for.  
Then the loud clomping could be heard as Vernon's signature stomp drew closeting and closer to the kitchen.  
Harry starred at the bacon hoping it could cook fast but it never did. The larger man burst into the room with a whale.  
"Where is my breakfast." He bellowed then it wasn't Vernon's face, it changed his nose seemed to slide right off his heavy features melting into something more terrifying. Yet Harry was realized to see him go nothing was worse than the bones that never healed right or the feeling of being wrong that never went away. Vernon's eyes turning downwards and blood began seeping from his eyes as his skin paled and his laugh caused chills to run down Harry's back. As he grew in height and a wand lay in his hand but it was broken.  
"Oh Harry didn't your parents teach you better than this. No magic outside of school." he saw Petunia turn to run form the corner of his eye he almost shoughted for her to stop but Voldemort had already seen her and shouted his curse.  
"Avada Kadavra." the room turned green and he heard his mother scream and he laughed. "You never did save those who needed you, he was hurting her and you knew but to lost in your own pain you never tried to do anything. One day on Private Drive you'll return and she'll be gone because you never told anyone Vernon was beating her. She'll be dead just like her sister." He turned to Dudley but suddenly it was Cedric and he was screaming at Harry. "You could have saved him with your life but it was more important to save yourself, well now the girl is yours oh wait she isn't. I wouldn't have risen if you had done the selfless thing but then again you always let others pay the price. You should have died that night in the forest but even then you beat death."  
The tears weren't hot on his face and he knew it was a nightmare but truth isn't easy to deny even when its imaginary.  
Voldemort's lips split like the cheshire cat.  
"I want to go somewhere else. Would you please tell me where I ought to go?" Harry cried feeling like the words weren't his.  
"That depends a good deal on where you want to go." Everything seemed to warp again and Harry nearly cried afraid of where they where going but needing to not be where they where.  
"I don't much care. Anywhere but here." he lied.  
"Then it doesn't matter where you go." the Voldemort cheshire hybrid grinned and Harry was scared but he felt like he was reading from the book again screaming in his head at Alice there are always worse places to go.  
"Anywhere but here." but he said the words.  
"Oh you're sure to do that Alice so long as you walk long enough." He nearly screamed he wanted to wake up this demented dream was never ending why couldn't he wake up.  
"I'm not Alice." he finally screamed.  
"And this isn't wonderland but still if you don't want to be here, don't want to be Harry then you got to be someone and Alice is good as anyone." How would a dream now what Harry wanted it was just a weird jumble of things. There was no truth in dreams they where crazy. Just like the stupid book, bonkers with no sense about it.  
When Harry opening his eyes the only thing he could see was the moonlight coming in through the window. As the sweat slid down his side he climbed out of bed shedding his clothes as he went to go take a shower. He didn't turn on the lights didn't look at the clock. He was too used to the routine of the nightmares to even bother trying to fall back to sleep he just got dressed and went to go make tea in the kitchen and wait for Malfoy. He stared at the brown walls thinking about how he should change the place up a bit Malfoy was right it wasn't great. Maybe get a job.  
He sat there for hours not thinking about the time going by.  
The blood could be heard from the kitchen and Malfoy's steps as he approached where as well timed as ever. Another day, maybe I'll feel better today he lied to himself as the Slytherin blew into the kitchen.  
"How's your morning Potter."  
"I'm Ok and how are you Draco?"  
"Oh you won't believe what Pansy was telling me about Zabini, he's got another girl friend."  
"What about who was it again."  
"Lavender Brown."  
"No I thought he was with some girl Fleur introduced him too."  
"That was months ago Potter they broke up."  
""I'm behind the times."Potter murmured.  
Malfoy gave him an odd look. "Potter you haven't talked to anyone besides those who visit you in two years. And only know you're thinking you may be a bit behind."


	4. I believe I can move on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry been a while for anyone who's been reading. If you want to see anything leave a comment, still trying to figure out where this is going besides angst and eventual smut.

The two witches whispered fervently in the elevator and it was no hard guess as to what had caused their enthused whisper argument.  
Hermione was just about ready to scream your the reason he never comes out to begin with but with Harry standing there already turning the color of bubble gum she opted out of such a direct method.  
She had nearly jumped for joy when Harry had broaching the topic of visiting the ministry with her a couple nights ago but after feeling the presure in her hand from Ron she had stayed quiet.  
She didn't really like to think she had become the brash one in their relationship but moments like the one that evening had made her question it.  
Ron had grown increasingly protective of Harry. Not mentioning subjects that made him jumpy and redirecting conversations for him when others did. The redheaded boy had grown into a man and he hadn't done it for just Hermione though she liked to think her influence brought it about she knew better.  
After the battle Ron had been the one to find Harry and the Malfoy boy. Hermione had never been able to find out what Ron heard that day but something about the whispered conversion between enemies had left its mark. Deeper even than the death and destruction he had witnessed and for the life of her Hermione was determined to leave this one puzzle unsolved.  
So instead of jumping for joy or jumping down the young witches throats she turned to her friend and began engaging him in conversion. The witches quieted as they ease dropped the elevator finally found its destination without any unfortunate Hermione induced incidents.  
Harry murmured a tiny thank you to Hermione before he left the elevator followed closely by the witches onto floor. Hermione waited for the elevator to sweep away but the door was caught by an elegant if not pale hand and already Hermione wished she was in a muggle elevator where you could press the close button not that it would do her much good with Malfoy's hand blocking the door.  
"Granger." Malfoy dipped his chin in a half nod of acknowledgment.  
"Weasley." Hermione informed him but he brushed it aside as his he hadn't heard her as he always did.  
"I heard something rather disturbing today about The-Boy-Who-Lived in the building." Malfoy commented like he wasn't offended Harry hadn't told him he was coming.  
"Yes Harry" she punctuated his name. "is here today. The minister called him to a meeting."  
"A meeting and why in the world would Harry come to this one after rejecting them for the last two years I wonder." Draco's pale eyes darted over the polished surface of the women he wished could say didn't clean up well. He had heard many ah whimpers from Harry whenever a visit with Hermione ended in an urging to reemerge into the world.  
"I had nothing to do with it and no I don't know what the meetings about so you can stop provoking me Malfoy." Hermione huffed. "It is beyond me how Harry puts up with you. You always knew how to bring his temper out." She tapped her foot hoping the usually faster then pessary elevator world get a little faster.  
"Yes but if you couldn't tell Granger the Harry you knew is no longer here. The faster you learn that the easer it will be to become his friend again." Mayfoy smirked at the wizard who tried to enter the elevator and the man stoped short mumbling under his breath about forgetting his briefcase his eyes slid to Hermione before he turned back briefcase clutched in hand as the elevator closed again.  
"I am his friend." Hermione tried not to screech as she seethed nearly trebling with fury. How dare he! How dare-  
"Really my impression of friends was they tell each other when something is wrong has he told you what's wrong." They had all noticed even when he said he was ok.  
"No but he hasn't told you either." Hermione was sure of that. The door opened again but this witch paid no mind to Hermione or Draco as the door closed she realized her anger and bluster had blinded her to the fact the last stop had been hers.  
"And Weasley?" Malofy inquired as Hermione wondered if she should press the number again or wait until Malfoy left to preserve her dignity.  
"Ron wouldn't tell me even if he knew." She muttered absently as she eyed the witch wondering if she was listening or to absorbed in her newspaper. Press the button or wait. Ron wouldn't do it but Harry would and Ron would do it for her if she asked did that mean she should but she really didn't want Malfoy to notice he had gotten to her enough to delay her escape from his presence.  
"And I thought love concurred all." She looked at him at that.  
"It does Malfoy it just doesn't negate the love you have for others." She could tell the witch was listening now and decided to hell with it and pressed the button again. Malfoy only raised an eye brow but didn't comment. The witch looked at her for the first time with a disbelieving look. Hermione shrugged.  
"Bloody ridiculous." Malfoy commented after th witch finally got off for her floor.  
"Because everything must be all or nothing. I thought you had grown up. The world isn't black and white." Hermione watched as the elvator kept climbing as no one pressed the button they where near the department Draco worked in.  
"I know that." Hermione took her turn raising an eyebrow at him.  
"Do you? Then why are you so angry when ever Harry tries to talk about spending time with us instead of you. Friends aren't all or nothing either Draco. He can't be only yours because the moment he is he won't be Harry anymore. He may be different from the boy I knew in school but he's still a person with feelings and trama to get past just because it keeps him secluded right now won't mean he'll stay at Number 12 forever. One day you'll walk into the kitchen and he won't be there. When that day comes just try not to stop him. You may find whatever changes about him this time makes him smile again or even that light you can't seem to stay away from that thing that makes Harry Harry gets even a little bit brighter."  
They remained silent after that and when Draco's floor came and the door opened he hesitated only a moment before stepping out. Hand still in the door he turned back.  
"You know a book called Alice in Wonderland?"  
"Yes, how do you know it?" Ron hated the book when she had asked him to read it and she hadn't expected Draco to know of it.  
"Just something Harry showed me. If you really want to know what wrong ask him to play a game." he dropped his hand. Hermione stepped forward.  
"What game?"  
But the door was already closed and moving back towards her department.


	5. I believe I won't Regret this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm posting this chapter back to back because I really want to try writing Snape. I haven't figured out how he and Harry are going to be so fingers crossed. Hope your enjoying the knew points of view.

Severous hated St. Mungo's with a passion he usually saved for his fifth years. The bloody idiots. But here he could spare some wrath for the sunlight and general cheery nurses who came into to annoy him.  
Much worse then Pomfrey he could at least get that women to be strait with him but since Draco had admitted Snape against his will as his medical proxy a month ago no one would tell him anything unless Draco was present.   
He almost regretted sending that patrons but couldn't bring the emotion to fruition at the end of the day nearly firing is one thing and actually dying another.   
The disappearance after Nagini's venomous kiss had been unplanned but serendipitous. He had woken under the care of a member of the order Shacklebolt perhaps or some other but he scarcely remembered anything. He didn't know who had been looming over him so he had done what any spy would do he had obliviated the figure and ran. He remembered bits and pieces, trying to get to someplace a stash to take more anti venom. But nothing very concrete which was discerning and by the time had had gained enough of an awareness beyond the venom it had been days after the battle and he presumed dead.   
He saw no reason to fix the situation and returned himself to a solitary existence where he tried to fight the poison still coursing through his blood. It was a month ago he had been hit by an attack so bad he knew he wouldn't wake so he did something he hadn't done in two years. He contacted his godson.   
Draco had come and in true Malfoy fashion absolutely bloody taken over. Because Snape had been in a type of coma upon arrival all medical decisions where reverted to his closest family and the boy had taken the duty whole heartedly.   
Though Snape was now awake because of the magical affect of the poison and his lack of medical seeking in the past the medical designs remained in Draco's hands so long as the potions effects where unknown. Since the poison could be effecting his design making.   
Even knowing why such measures where taken did not make Snape any happier about the situation. If they never discovered the full effects which as the most likely of outcomes then Severous would only regain his rights when Draco gave them back which meant he was under hospital arrest and had been in informed by the devious little viper we would be there until Malfoy deemed him sain.   
Severous did not hold out hope the boy would see light. Especially when Draco had informed him he kept company with Potter these days.   
When the door opened Severous was about ready to yell at the busy body nurse for interrupting his reading again.   
Only to find a very different visage.   
"Professor." Pansy spoke first smiled slightly at the man. She hadn't wanted to come but knew Draco wouldn't let up even if the Professor wouldn't want anyone to see him like this. Blaise and Daphne looked around her at the Proffessor.  
"Miss Parkinson, Greengrass and Zabini to what do I owe the pleasure and please Pansy I'm no longer a teacher you may call me Severus." he inclined his head. They hadn't been his favorite but he remembered that they had not been his least. Among his snakes they where perhaps the most neutral. More easily accepted in public then some other Slytherin. He may not have been a part of wizarding society but he had seen the markers of ostracizing on Draco and he saw it on them. Snakes where proud and walked in a way that allowed others to know they where there. But even the hardest of exteriors could not stand constant and unrelenting hate in any form.  
These students where close enough to Draco to be sent on the care mission they where likely entrusted and hopefully not be tormented to hard for their presence alone. It wasn't his problem any more Severus told himself. They weren't his students and he had no leverage in which he could force the ministry to take a more supportive stance for the Slytherin even if he wanted to.  
He himself was barley tolerated even after all his actions for Dumbledore came to light curtsy of one Harry Potter and a couple members of the Order Minerva chief among them he had heard championed his cause even after the reported events of his death.  
He hadn't been so happy to hear it when Draco began bragging that his name was inscribed on a wall in a rebuilding Hogwarts and upon hearing o his survival it wasn't even going to be stricken. Neither Draco had crowed proudly would his portrait be taken from the headmaster's office.   
Severus had wished it was he didn't need a reminder of the terrible things he had been required to do.   
He was never delusional enough to believe himself a good person but he did hold true to some moral anchor among the see of torrential waves that buffeted his conscience. A simple if not ambiguous truth.   
He loved with all of himself in a way few would ever understand. Not just his feelings and actions but his whole being revolved around that truth. The one thing through the war that had saved them from the Dark Lords wrath.   
Lily was his friend, his first love, his sister, his betrayer, his mother and everything he had needed and everything that taught him about how harsh this life could be he learned from her.  
It was Lily that had been his moral compass and Lily that showed him what trust and pain unlike any other felt like and still he could not untangle himself from all the things she gave and took from him.   
She had then left the world and indirectly given him a responsibility to a young boy who was scared by those things before he had learned any of those horrible truths. Still Severus couldn't shake her from him. Seeing his students now the same age she and James where when they left Severus alone.   
He wished to scream at them to leave him but he could no longer convince himself needless cruelty was pessary to maintain his image for the greater good. So he settled instead in to wait the snakes out but the silence didn't drive them from his temporary nest.   
They simply talked around him for a couple hours before departing.  
When Draco entered later that day he sat in the chair Miss Parkinson had vacated only an hours ago.   
"Pansy said you where quiet." He began.  
"Yes well I had nothing in particular to say so quiet seemed a good answer as any." Severus wished he would let him go back to his house. Even if he was feeling week and his eyes where beginning to sag because he hadn't slept in the day. He didn't want to admit something so simple as staying awake was taking its toll.  
"I was thinking of brining someone else around and before you say no I think a deal might be in order." the silver haired boy rushed through his words as he once had when he would try and convince Severus of something before his parents returned and told him what the boy had done this time. Severus never wanted to admit he had a soft spot for the boy's spoiled little squemes.  
"What's this deal?" Severus replied slowly not wanting his godson to notice how much he wanted his freedom and press for more.  
"If the healers give you the all clear to return home and you assent to a weekly visit until your attacks either stop or can be treated then I'll give you your medical decisions back but you also have to spend the first six months with a mutual friend to keep an eye on you and agree to daily checkins for six months after." Snape scoffed at the obviously over the top demands.   
"And what would you be getting out of this?" Severus asked.  
"Spies. He may be keeping an eye on you but I also need you to keep an eye on him." Snape almost asked who but could only think of a few Slytherin that met the standard of liked well enough by both of them to be considered a friend most having just been in the room.  
"Someone who is also injured by the war or aftermath might not be the wisest of watchers." He tried to reason thinking about the sad dejection in Pansy's eye when she left but he had said a man.   
"Their injuries are mostly internal."  
"Of the mind?" Draco nodded. "Still probably not the best idea." Severus tried to think about how others describing his rather shocking fits and how horrible they here to witness. Worse to live through he thought.  
"Yes well I needed an idea to help you both and this was the best way so Severus make a chose." Draco seemed inpatient and Severus wondered if he was trying to hide something time would reveal.  
"Once cleared to leave I stay with him one month in my house then three months of every other day checkins then by weekly for two months then you need to get a verbal invitation to come over." Severus countered as the drowsiness took the best of him wishing he could do this more alert but knew Draco might not let him get the chance again if whatever made him skittish elapsed.   
"Once cleared to leave you stay three months in his house as yours is tiny than three months every day checkins then three months weekly, then by weekly. I never need a verbal incite Severus I'm sure godson." Draco reminded him.  
"Right now I wish you weren't." Severus sighed. " I stay three months and if I uncover whatever this friend is hiding that puts you on edge I get to leave early with weekly checkins till the six month mark then by weekly for three."   
Draco blinked in surprise then grinning Snape almost withdrew his proposal but quickly Draco shook his hand gleefully exclaiming "Tracto." the deal solidified before Snape could ask who he would be staying with.   
Draco stood smirk firmly in place as Snape looked at his hand with distrust. What had he agreed to that the younger Slytherin was so happy about.   
"Wait Draco who was I staying with?"  
"Tell you in a couple days for now get some sleep I'll be by to talk to the healer in the morning about returning your medical decision making rights." He waltzed to the door in a happy sweeping way.  
"Draco?" but the boy just waved as he left the room.  
Severus had the sinking feeling he knew something he didn't want to admit to himself. The same sinking feeling he had gotten innumerable times since he met familiar green eyes across the Great Hall nearly a decade ago.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this is going yet but feel free to comment or tell me about spelling/grammar errors. I suck at both.


End file.
